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A healthy fetish

January 31st 2012 00:34

My best friend and I have this in common: we find the purchase of new sports shoes a deeply moving, spiritual experience. For him it's more tennis shoes and for me it's more running shoes, but we have the same awestruck reaction. There is nothing else like it. Being present at the birth of your first child may come close.

The subject came up when I went to the doctor yesterday to check out a small growth on my face. The doctor had a close look but quickly pronounced it safe. ``Completely benign,'' he said, and I relaxed. ``It's an age thing,'' he said, which rather ruined the effect.

He gave me the option of having it removed immediately or later, and then asked how my achilles tendinitis was going. This had been the cause of a visit to his surgery five weeks earlier, and I gave him a brief and grumpy summary of my severely curtailed jogging program. The doctor listened and suggested moving off concrete paths and running on grass, and also considering new shoes.

``Anyway,'' he said, standing to end the visit, ``I'm glad I've been able to deliver good news. As I said, that little growth is nothing to worry about.''

``Who cares about the growth?'' I said, hardly listening while counting on my fingers.

``You're right! It's been almost three years. I'm off to get new running shoes!''

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Exercise, Health, Interests

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Alone in the darkest of places

January 17th 2012 02:39

I pick up a copy of today’s newspaper and rise from my desk. I hesitate, then reach into my bag and grab my novel as well. With a slightly upset stomach, I may need plenty of reading material.

I snare an end cubicle and make myself comfortable. Comfortable is an appropriate word. The bathrooms in my office building have recently been renovated. They now feature glossy wall tiles and fittings, motion-sensor lighting and upmarket taps and soap dispensers. The ambience is more library than train station.

Things remain quiet and comfortable until the lights suddenly go out. I was in the middle of a report on Australia’s property market, now I’m in the dark. There are no windows in this bathroom. This is blackness of the inkiest kind.

I have never been in a situation like this. Habit, experience and preconceptions are of no use to me. For a moment, I’m completely in the dark about what to do.

After a few seconds my brain switches on and provides the information that it is the light motion sensor which has caused the situation. All I have to do, of course, is move, and it will detect the movement and turn the lights back on.

I lift my arms. I wave them about. I retrieve the newspaper from where I dropped it, raise it and wave that about.

Nothing happens.

I need something bigger. I grope around and find the door latch. I open the cubicle door, and close it, and open it, and close it.

Nothing happens.

I open the door, lean forward as far as I can and flap the newspaper energetically outside the cubicle.

Nothing happens.

I have no idea where the motion sensor is. Somewhere on the ceiling, I assume, but obviously not in range. Can it even see me in the dark? Perhaps it’s activated by someone opening the door to the outside world, that faraway place where there is light.

I’ll have to leave the cubicle.

I know what you’re thinking. There are logistical complications. How to put this? My trousers are around my ankles for a reason, and certain procedures must be undertaken and satisfactorily completed before an exit from the cubicle can be contemplated.

Dammit, why I have been alone in this bathroom for so long? These procedures can not be satisfactorily undertaken in the dark, can they?

I wait.

Nothing happens. Nobody comes.

I initiate procedures.

Strange thoughts go though my head. What if I walk out of the cubicle just as someone comes in, lights flickering on and me emerging from the gloom like a yeti from the far end of a cave? What will they think I have been doing alone, in the dark?

The thought becomes a fear. Get a grip, I tell myself, sternly, trying to wrest back control of the situation here, in the end cubicle, in the dark.

I pull my trousers up. I buckle my belt. I find my novel. I exit the cubicle.

After two uncertain steps, the lights flicker on. My eyes need a moment to adjust. I wash my hands, leave the bathroom and start walking back to my desk. A thought strikes me. Did I do my fly up?

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Life questions

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Why is the Vegemite in the fridge?

April 28th 2011 03:45

American scientists have turned general thinking about the effects of tiredness and sleep deprivation on its head with a new theory that the brain is capable of giving groups of nerve cells a power nap when needed.

In other words, the brain can shut down parts of itself for small periods, which the scientists say could account for moments of absent-mindedness.

Forgotten where you parked the car lately?

The research, at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and published in the journal Nature, showed that groups of nerve cells can go dormant while the rest of the brain remains awake.

“Even before you feel fatigued, there are signs in the brain that you should stop certain activities that may require alertness,” said the lead researcher, Professor Chiara Cirelli.

“Specific groups of neurons may be falling asleep, with negative consequences on performance.”

Scientists had previously thought that sleep deprivation affected the whole brain.

It all goes to explain why I, after breakfast earlier this week, stored the margarine on the pantry shelf and the Vegemite in the fridge.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Brain news and issues, Health

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Easter, health and chocolate

April 24th 2011 06:20

It’s Easter and therefore appropriate to reinforce a message which can sometimes get lost at this time of year.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Diet, Health

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Repeat after me

March 29th 2011 02:12

Careful - the wind might change

Psychologists tell us that it is human nature to borrow behaviour patterns from people who influence us, such as our parents.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: 30s, Human nature

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Together, again

January 28th 2011 00:34

What a difference a lifetime makes.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: 90s, Relationships, Romance

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Mid-week weekend

January 26th 2011 22:17

It was Australia Day yesterday, a mid-week public holiday to celebrate confusion.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Forgetfulness

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Putting our yesterdays into perspective

December 10th 2010 08:03

I overheard a conversation this week in which a grandparent lamented the lack of motivation for today's young people to have multiple interests. The technological age, she believed, had created an enormous cultural change in our society, gluing young people to computer screens. As a result, they were less healthy and less engaged with the world around them.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Psychology, Relationships

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Parkinson’s medication side effects

November 30th 2010 02:37

The treatment of Parkinson’s disease can create some brutal side-effects, something police, social workers and judges are well aware of.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Health

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Creating habits

October 16th 2010 11:09

I read this week that if you conscientiously do something you don't ordinarily do - and don't want to do - 30 times or more, it will become a habit.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Changes, Psychology, Relationships

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