Am I a foolish Mr Nice Guy?
December 29th 2008 19:03
A few weeks ago I was stopped in a city street by a woman. She was well-dressed and well-spoken. She was maybe 30 years old.
She said her name was Kate and she was embarrassed but she had to ask for help. She had left her purse at home, and now her car had run out of petrol. Daft but true she said, with a self-deprecating smile.
Her car was nearby. She had managed to push it to the side of the road but it was in a no-parking zone and would soon be towed away, costing her hundreds of dollars. The petrol station could provide a small container and petrol for $17. Could she borrow the money, please, and return it personally next day to my office?
Should I trust her? I didn't need to be grey-haired to understand that this could be a street con. On the other hand, if this was a legitimate call for help, would it not be a victory for dishonesty if I turned away? I could not let the petty scammers win! I would do the right thing and help someone asking for help.
I gave Kate $20 and she asked for a business card. I wasn't carrying one so she took my mobile phone number. Tomorrow, she promised, she would return the money, and thank you very much for your kindness.
Kate never returned the money, and the street cons have another victory.
I don't need to be grey-haired to understand that it is pointless getting angry, but I was angry. I was hardly a victim - the real victims are people with legitimate needs for help who get turned down because Kate and her kind have fouled the path of charitable instinct. And that's their real crime.
Nevertheless, I was angry. I was angry at myself for having been duped by something so basic. In retrospect, I could have asked some simple questions to corroborate her story and her honesty: what is your car registration number, can you show me some identification, what is your mobile phone number?
I had only myself to blame, and I was angry at being so powerless to do anything about it.
Until yesterday. I was walking along a city street when I saw Kate about 20 metres ahead. She had just stopped a man and was talking to him. I was certain it was her when I saw the self-deprecating smile.
"Hi," I said brightly, joining Kate and the young man. They looked expectantly at me. "Can I have the $20 you borrowed from me please?"
"When?" she asked. "Oh, about three weeks ago," I said. "You spun me the same story you are probably spinning now."
"It wasn't me," Kate said, then turned and walked away quickly. The young man laughed, thanked me, and walked away too.
I didn't chase Kate. I don't understand the rules of citizen's arrest, and a scene in a crowded street, with a young woman screaming no-doubt practiced protests of innocence, was too complicated to contemplate.
But that's one that the street cons didn't win. And I'm not feeling angry any more.
She said her name was Kate and she was embarrassed but she had to ask for help. She had left her purse at home, and now her car had run out of petrol. Daft but true she said, with a self-deprecating smile.
Her car was nearby. She had managed to push it to the side of the road but it was in a no-parking zone and would soon be towed away, costing her hundreds of dollars. The petrol station could provide a small container and petrol for $17. Could she borrow the money, please, and return it personally next day to my office?
Should I trust her? I didn't need to be grey-haired to understand that this could be a street con. On the other hand, if this was a legitimate call for help, would it not be a victory for dishonesty if I turned away? I could not let the petty scammers win! I would do the right thing and help someone asking for help.
I gave Kate $20 and she asked for a business card. I wasn't carrying one so she took my mobile phone number. Tomorrow, she promised, she would return the money, and thank you very much for your kindness.
Kate never returned the money, and the street cons have another victory.
I don't need to be grey-haired to understand that it is pointless getting angry, but I was angry. I was hardly a victim - the real victims are people with legitimate needs for help who get turned down because Kate and her kind have fouled the path of charitable instinct. And that's their real crime.
Nevertheless, I was angry. I was angry at myself for having been duped by something so basic. In retrospect, I could have asked some simple questions to corroborate her story and her honesty: what is your car registration number, can you show me some identification, what is your mobile phone number?
I had only myself to blame, and I was angry at being so powerless to do anything about it.
Until yesterday. I was walking along a city street when I saw Kate about 20 metres ahead. She had just stopped a man and was talking to him. I was certain it was her when I saw the self-deprecating smile.
"Hi," I said brightly, joining Kate and the young man. They looked expectantly at me. "Can I have the $20 you borrowed from me please?"
"When?" she asked. "Oh, about three weeks ago," I said. "You spun me the same story you are probably spinning now."
"It wasn't me," Kate said, then turned and walked away quickly. The young man laughed, thanked me, and walked away too.
I didn't chase Kate. I don't understand the rules of citizen's arrest, and a scene in a crowded street, with a young woman screaming no-doubt practiced protests of innocence, was too complicated to contemplate.
But that's one that the street cons didn't win. And I'm not feeling angry any more.
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Comment by Nevar
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You are smart not to be angry.
Comment by Tracy
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I think it's one of those difficult quandaries...
Your intentions were good, you acted with integrity and I think that's the main thing...
Tracy
Comment by Sara Dobson
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Comment by Chris Champion
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Moonglow, just desserts all round in the next life? Bring it on.
Tracy and Sarah, I think quandary is the right word and I think the pity of dishonest people ruining trust is the right sentiment. I haven't studied philosophy but I'd be interested what the philosophers would have to say about it. Legally, scamming someone for $20 is a petty crime. Philosophically, if someone so scammed consequently later rejects a subsequent real call for help, then the original crime escalates.
Comment by Lilla
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Comment by Cheryl J
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I never give to people that are very obviously con artists but I have given money for similar stories and I don't regret it. I was asked once for train fare to get a girl home to the country as her boyfriend had fought with her and kicked her out of the car in Sydney. I will never know if she was telling the truth but would never forgive myself if I refused and then heard some terrible news about someone who was harmed because they were stranded.
Shame on the girl that did this to you (probably to fund a habit) but I think you should be proud that you still have enough empathy to be willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I commend you for it.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Wouldn't it be funny if Kate knocked on my door needing a pee ...
Comment by Chris Champion
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Oh, I have to rush. Someone knocking on my door. I do so hope it's Kate needing a pee ...
Comment by Janet Collins
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The story was about a guy locking his keys in his unit and all his money was inside and so he had to get the bus a fair way to his mothers place to get the spare set and then catch a bus back.
I knew it was probably a story when I was giving it to him and after I had, I most certainly did.
It is hard not to feel an idiot but believe me, what is the option. Like you say, he just may have been genuine and that would have made me feel worse that an idiot who has been taken for a ride. It would have made me feel like a nasty, creepy swine.
At least you got back in some sort of way and saved another guy 20 bucks!
Comment by May
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For reacting just how Kate thought you would and lending her the money. Thank you for giving her the benefit of the doubt. Thank you for still believing in human kind and acting out a good deed.
It is a shame that the results were not what you had hoped, but it is probably someone like you who handed in my lost mobile phone to the police a few years back, with no enormous phone calls made, saving me the money and hassle of getting everything replaced. It gave this little, slightly cynical person some faith in humanity again.
You just have to take the good with bad and do the best you can right?
Comment by Chris Champion
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Comment by Damo
Often it cost more than that.
So I would be thinking to myself that it was $20 well spent.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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in the same situation i would accompany the person to the servo and pay for their purchase but i wouldnt give them cash
i dont mind giving people spare change if they state that is what they want and dont concoct a ridiculous story
i find it quite funny when people approach you for cigarettes and then get annoyed if you dont have the brand they want to smoke haha beggars cant be choosers my friend (literally)
Comment by Wynona Lavota
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I get angry at people like 'Kate' for making good people such as yourself bitter/suspicious and as you say, decreasing the chances of people who have actually run into some bad luck getting help.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Morgan, as you say, next time I'll go through the processes. It might not be trusting, but it will hurt no-one except the untrustworthy.
Wynona, thank you. You've summed up my feelings exactly.
Comment by Thoraiya Dyer
Demented World
I was going to say, "the same thing happened to me with a girl who said she needed a train fare because she had a fight with her boyfriend" - but it's already been mentioned.
Cheryl, too bad you weren't there the next time to warn me about "Country Lass!"
And Morgan, I sympethise: I have had people who wanted money for "food" turn me down when I offered to go with them to the supermarket. My brother, in a similar situation, was told by a beggar that he didn't want bread rolls, he wanted Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Unbelievable!
Chris, I was trusting, once, like you, but now I'm afraid I'm a cynic.
As I see it, I already give to charity. It's called taxes. If we have a 5% unemployment rate, and a population of 20 million, that's a million people being supported by the government at any one time. I leave it to them to sort out who really needs the money. Australia is not a country where people go hungry unless they have mental illness or a drug problem, in which case my spare change is not going to help them.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Cynicism comes unnaturally to me - I'm a glass overflowing kind of guy. But I have to say, I'd want KFC too!
Thanks for the long comment. The taxes and unemployment relationship is an interesting point.