Christmas and the finer points of Cockney
December 31st 2008 19:53
George Bernard Shaw famously said that England and America are two countries divided by a common language. Americans and Australians also have differences of expression and my daughter, with a foot in each camp, can sometimes find herself caught between cultural contradictions which she neither understands nor needs.
About four years ago, aged five, she came home with a new weekly list of reading words, and that week the list contained the word "ask".
"Airsk," she said, sounding just like her mother and every other kid who grew up in the suburbs of Washington, DC.
Hong Kong, where we all lived then, is a multicultural society and we understood and tolerated ethnic, religious and cultural diversity. But something primal and territorial overcame social sensitivity at that moment. "Ahh-sk," I corrected. It was a jaw-jerk reaction.
My daughter looked puzzled. "That's what I said," she declared. For her there was no difference. Australia and America – two countries united by a cosmopolitan, five-year-old bi-linguist.
Fast-forward four years to Christmas 2008 and my daughter flies from Hong Kong to Australia where her father, through circumstances, now lives. These days she sounds neither American nor Australian, but sports an accent which is unique to the kids who go through the educational collective known as the Hong Kong English Schools Foundation. Visiting Brits generally think the accent is Australian. Americans think the accent is British. Australians think the accent is South African. In truth, it is two spoonfuls of each, thoroughly stirred and flavoured with a pinch of Asian spices.
My daughter arrived in Australia and politely said hello to everyone wishing her g'day.
She was the youngest of our Christmas house guests. The oldest was my partner's father, aged 82. And he decided to teach her the Australian Alphabet.
The Australian Alphabet? Well, some subsequent research has led to the discovery that clever Gramps adapted things a little for the occasion. It was an occasion of hilarity for everyone, and delight for the little girl, who didn't understand it all but insisted on writing it down.
It is better known as the Cockney Alphabet, but is also known as the Cabbies' Alphabet, Subversive Alphabet and Surrealist Alphabet, and there are many variations of it. Its origins are lost, but it is thought to have been developed, probably in England, as a humorous way to teach children the alphabet. It dates at least as far back as the 1930s when two British comedy duos, Clapham and Dwyer and Bud Flanagan and Chesney Allen, recorded versions. There is also a gramophone recording by English comedian Arthur Askey from early in 1940.
The idea is to pronounce the alphabet with a Cockney accent. For those who have no idea how that goes, we can only offer the advice that consonants at the start of words are dropped whenever possible. So, A for 'orses equals 'ay for 'orses equals hay for horses.
The alphabet has grown over time, so what follows is the Cockney Alphabet with all the reasonable variations I could find, and explanations in brackets for the Cockney-challenged amongst us.
It is fun word play. I think George Bernard Shaw would have enjoyed it. I know my daughter did. I hope you do too.
A for 'orses (hay for horses)
A for Gardner (Ava Gardner)
A for disiac (aphrodisiac)
B for mutton (beef or mutton)
B for my time (before my time)
C for yourself (see for yourself)
C for miles (see for miles)
C for islanders (Seaforth Highlanders)
D for rent (different)
D for mation (defamation)
D for dumb (deaf or dumb)
D for ential (differential)
D for Kate (defecate)
E for brick (heave a brick)
E for Adam (Eve or Adam)
E for Gabor (Eva Gabor)
E for Ning Standard (Evening Standard)
E for you or me (either you or me)
E for knocks you out (ether...)
F for vescence (effervescence)
F for lump (efferlump)
G for police (chief of police)
G for screepers (geefers creepers, where d'you get those peepers)
G for take (give or take)
G for Sis (g-forces)
H for retirement (age for retirement)
H for weight (age for weight)
H for teen (age 14)
H before beauty (age before beauty)
H for himself (each for himself)
I for Novello (Ivor Novello, actor, composer and playwright of the 1930s)
I for looting (high faluting)
I for an I (eye for an eye)
I for get (I forget)
I for nate (hyphernate)
I for no (Ivanhoe)
I for tower (Eiffel Tower)
I for a lovely bunch of coconuts
J for dollar to spare (do you have a dollar to spare)
J for oranges (jaffa oranges)
K for teria (cafeteria)
K for answers (Kay Francis, US film star of the 1930s and 40s)
K for oranges/limes (Kaffir oranges/limes)
K for a cuppa (care for a cuppa)
L for leather (hell for leather)
M for sis (emphasis)
M for sema (emphysema)
N for lope (envelope)
N for a penny (in for a penny)
N for red (infrared)
N for mation (information)
N for end (end-for-end)
N for terrible (enfant terrible)
O for come (overcome)
O for the rainbow (over the rainbow)
O for the garden wall
O for my dead body
O for the moon
O for goodness sake
O for crying out loud
O for a nice cold beer
P for relief (pee for relief)
P forty two (an American fighter)
Q for the bus (queue for the bus)
Q for snooker (cue for snooker)
R for mo ('alf a mo)
R for crown (half a crown)
R for Murray (Arthur Murray)
S for you (it's for you)
S for Williams (Esther Williams)
S for as you go (as far as you go)
S we have no bananas
T for two (tea for two)
U for mystic (euphemistic)
U for ear (euphoria)
U for knee (euphony)
U for got (you forgot)
V for la france (vive la France)
W for two bob (double you [toss you] for two shillings)
X for breakfast (eggs for breakfast)
Y for runts (y-fronts)
Y for mistress (wife or mistress)
Y for thin (wafer thin)
Y for and wherefore
Z for breezes (zephyr breezes)
Z for the last time (said for the last time)
About four years ago, aged five, she came home with a new weekly list of reading words, and that week the list contained the word "ask".
"Airsk," she said, sounding just like her mother and every other kid who grew up in the suburbs of Washington, DC.
Hong Kong, where we all lived then, is a multicultural society and we understood and tolerated ethnic, religious and cultural diversity. But something primal and territorial overcame social sensitivity at that moment. "Ahh-sk," I corrected. It was a jaw-jerk reaction.
My daughter looked puzzled. "That's what I said," she declared. For her there was no difference. Australia and America – two countries united by a cosmopolitan, five-year-old bi-linguist.
Fast-forward four years to Christmas 2008 and my daughter flies from Hong Kong to Australia where her father, through circumstances, now lives. These days she sounds neither American nor Australian, but sports an accent which is unique to the kids who go through the educational collective known as the Hong Kong English Schools Foundation. Visiting Brits generally think the accent is Australian. Americans think the accent is British. Australians think the accent is South African. In truth, it is two spoonfuls of each, thoroughly stirred and flavoured with a pinch of Asian spices.
My daughter arrived in Australia and politely said hello to everyone wishing her g'day.
She was the youngest of our Christmas house guests. The oldest was my partner's father, aged 82. And he decided to teach her the Australian Alphabet.
The Australian Alphabet? Well, some subsequent research has led to the discovery that clever Gramps adapted things a little for the occasion. It was an occasion of hilarity for everyone, and delight for the little girl, who didn't understand it all but insisted on writing it down.
It is better known as the Cockney Alphabet, but is also known as the Cabbies' Alphabet, Subversive Alphabet and Surrealist Alphabet, and there are many variations of it. Its origins are lost, but it is thought to have been developed, probably in England, as a humorous way to teach children the alphabet. It dates at least as far back as the 1930s when two British comedy duos, Clapham and Dwyer and Bud Flanagan and Chesney Allen, recorded versions. There is also a gramophone recording by English comedian Arthur Askey from early in 1940.
The idea is to pronounce the alphabet with a Cockney accent. For those who have no idea how that goes, we can only offer the advice that consonants at the start of words are dropped whenever possible. So, A for 'orses equals 'ay for 'orses equals hay for horses.
The alphabet has grown over time, so what follows is the Cockney Alphabet with all the reasonable variations I could find, and explanations in brackets for the Cockney-challenged amongst us.
It is fun word play. I think George Bernard Shaw would have enjoyed it. I know my daughter did. I hope you do too.
A for 'orses (hay for horses)
A for Gardner (Ava Gardner)
A for disiac (aphrodisiac)
B for mutton (beef or mutton)
B for my time (before my time)
C for yourself (see for yourself)
C for miles (see for miles)
C for islanders (Seaforth Highlanders)
D for rent (different)
D for mation (defamation)
D for dumb (deaf or dumb)
D for ential (differential)
D for Kate (defecate)
E for brick (heave a brick)
E for Adam (Eve or Adam)
E for Gabor (Eva Gabor)
E for Ning Standard (Evening Standard)
E for you or me (either you or me)
E for knocks you out (ether...)
F for vescence (effervescence)
F for lump (efferlump)
G for police (chief of police)
G for screepers (geefers creepers, where d'you get those peepers)
G for take (give or take)
G for Sis (g-forces)
H for retirement (age for retirement)
H for weight (age for weight)
H for teen (age 14)
H before beauty (age before beauty)
H for himself (each for himself)
I for Novello (Ivor Novello, actor, composer and playwright of the 1930s)
I for looting (high faluting)
I for an I (eye for an eye)
I for get (I forget)
I for nate (hyphernate)
I for no (Ivanhoe)
I for tower (Eiffel Tower)
I for a lovely bunch of coconuts
J for dollar to spare (do you have a dollar to spare)
J for oranges (jaffa oranges)
K for teria (cafeteria)
K for answers (Kay Francis, US film star of the 1930s and 40s)
K for oranges/limes (Kaffir oranges/limes)
K for a cuppa (care for a cuppa)
L for leather (hell for leather)
M for sis (emphasis)
M for sema (emphysema)
N for lope (envelope)
N for a penny (in for a penny)
N for red (infrared)
N for mation (information)
N for end (end-for-end)
N for terrible (enfant terrible)
O for come (overcome)
O for the rainbow (over the rainbow)
O for the garden wall
O for my dead body
O for the moon
O for goodness sake
O for crying out loud
O for a nice cold beer
P for relief (pee for relief)
P forty two (an American fighter)
Q for the bus (queue for the bus)
Q for snooker (cue for snooker)
R for mo ('alf a mo)
R for crown (half a crown)
R for Murray (Arthur Murray)
S for you (it's for you)
S for Williams (Esther Williams)
S for as you go (as far as you go)
S we have no bananas
T for two (tea for two)
U for mystic (euphemistic)
U for ear (euphoria)
U for knee (euphony)
U for got (you forgot)
V for la france (vive la France)
W for two bob (double you [toss you] for two shillings)
X for breakfast (eggs for breakfast)
Y for runts (y-fronts)
Y for mistress (wife or mistress)
Y for thin (wafer thin)
Y for and wherefore
Z for breezes (zephyr breezes)
Z for the last time (said for the last time)
en.wikipedia.org, www.smh.com.au, west-penwith.org.uk, www.freebase.com
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I'll give you an A for Effort.
Happy New Year.
Comment by The Rusty Can
Everything
Have a super 2009, Chris.
Rusty.
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Norm, I had never heard of it either.
Happy New Year.
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Glad you enjoyed. It's a fun thing to do with kids.
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Yer another youngster then. Oh, wait, I hadn't heard of it either - so that makes me young too
I gather it was something of a 1930s and 1940s phenomenon. However, I found a Sydney Morning Herald article from 2005 which said the paper was inundated with responses after printing a letter asking about the "Cockney Alphabet", so apparently plenty of people do know about it.
Happy New Year to you too!