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Putting our yesterdays into perspective

December 10th 2010 08:03

I overheard a conversation this week in which a grandparent lamented the lack of motivation for today's young people to have multiple interests. The technological age, she believed, had created an enormous cultural change in our society, gluing young people to computer screens. As a result, they were less healthy and less engaged with the world around them.

This week I also attended a ballet school graduation ceremony. Before the ceremony we - the parents, friends and ballet stars of tomorrow - gathered in a foyer outside the auditorium, where we were entertained by some jazz music performed, on saxophone and piano, by two of the ballet students. The jazz piece they played and been composed by a third ballet student.

Today I saw a newspaper feature story about a Swedish indie rock group named Shout Out Louds. These five young men have released critically acclaimed albums, toured internationally and enjoyed considerable commercial success. Yet they regularly take time out from music to work in other areas: graphic design, pastry cooking, shoemaking and film-making were mentioned in the story.

Not everyone can be multi-talented, but I’m sure there are many more grounded and engaged young people than is generally supposed.

The youth of today, like many other cross-sections of society, can fall victim to media organisations which learnt long ago that news about norms and majority behaviour doesn’t sell.

In the case of young people, however, they are also victims of something else: an age-old, subjective attitude by their elders. I don't believe the youth of today are any more indolent than the youth of any other generation. But that doesn’t stop their parents, like their own parents before them, being critical.

Why do we have such trouble keeping our yesterdays in perspective?

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Psychology, Relationships

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Creating habits

October 16th 2010 11:09

I read this week that if you conscientiously do something you don't ordinarily do - and don't want to do - 30 times or more, it will become a habit.

What this suggests is that things we are bad at doing, such as perhaps paying bills on time, can be changed to natural inclinations by sufficient repetition to make them second nature. It is an interesting theory and I wouldn't be surprised if it were true for most people.

It is not true for me, of course. I am psychologically and constitutionally incapable of paying bills on time. I'm not saying I have tested the theory via 30 consecutive timely responses to demands for money, I'm saying I don't believe it could ever become a habit for me.

It wouldn't be a problem for my wife. In fact, nothing's a problem for my wife. She's one of those people who, every time they see something which needs to be done, do it. Immediately.

My wife's idea of a relaxing Saturday morning is planning what she is going to do for the rest of the weekend. That's fine - I often do the same thing. Where we diverge is that my wife actually does all those things. Come late Sunday, when I'm often still in bed dreaming of what I might do with the rest of the evening, my wife's To Do list is nothing but a long row of crossed-off items.

It can be, let me tell you, quite tiring to watch.

This has led to occasional conflict in one or two areas where she has strong beliefs, such as turning off lights when leaving a room. This proved, in the early days of our cohabitation, to be at philosophical and procedural odds with my own practices.

However, I love my wife dearly and I tried to bridge this gap, especially when she was around. The best example is when I serve dinner at night. I cook regularly, and I enjoy seating my wife at the table and bringing the food with just a little waiterly ceremony.

The first few times I did this, my wife smiled and cooed and made other appreciative noises, and then left the table to go to the kitchen to turn off the kitchen light, the pantry light and the oven hood light. This spoiled the sense of culinary occasion, so I took to doing it myself.

When I remembered.

I remembered tonight. Having placed the food on the table, I marched straight back to the kitchen and turned off the lights, and checked the microwave door was closed and all the gas rings were off.

This was odd because I ate alone tonight, my wife being interstate for the weekend visiting her family. I had a little chuckle to myself. It's almost as if, simply because I have done it a few times, it has become a habit.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Changes, Psychology, Relationships

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First-date agony

September 27th 2010 00:58

Do you agonise over a first date? Which one of the following describes you most:

It's impossible not to agonise over a first date. You get just one chance to impress. What if you blow it!

There is no need to be nervous about a first date. You just act yourself, hope the other person does the same, and see if there's an attraction.

Remind me again - what's a date?

If you chose number one, you're under 40. If you chose number two, you're middle-aged. If you chose number three, you've long ago worked out that agonising over anything is a waste of energy.

Our little poll is in response to a recent media feature story quoting a big poll about first dates. The responses were all about agony and self-doubt and fear and double-guessing. That a first date must be nerve-wracking was taken for granted and no contrary possibility was so much as hinted at.

Of course, the survey was of 20- and 30-somethings, and the publication was aimed at that demographic.

We would like to break some news to those age groups: be yourself and treat a first date as a first step. If you keep your eye on the start line and stop worrying about the finish line, you'll have things in perspective.

You might even relax and enjoy yourself.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Psychology, Relationships, Romance

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